Amish Win So Divine

AP - The weather last Friday was angry  my friends. Angry like Dennis not be able to work the long weekend in Sauble. Angry like Crazy after being booted out of the bar before last call. Angry like Jimmy after…., well just angry like Jimmy.

  The Amish were preparing for their second game of the season with high hopes and even higher blood-alcohol levels. However, their smiles were soon turned upside down when the rain came. The forecast did not look good, 105% chance of rain. High of minus 42. Winds of 3 miles per hour. Still, the Amish showed up to the park, one after another, hoping beyond hope, dreaming beyond dream that the rain would stop.

 Just as Scotty was about to call the game, something strange and wonderful happened. Joey Lang showed up at the diamond, even though he had told the team he couldn't make it. Without saying a word, Joey hopped out his truck and flung off his coat. He was wearing only a loincloth, and holding a Demarini in his hand. He marched out to the middle of centerfield, grasped the bat with both hands and pointed it at the biggest cloud in the sky.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS", Joey shouted.

  Nothing happened. The Amish looked at each other, puzzled, and the other team began to chuckle.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS", Joey shouted once more, this time even louder and deeper.

  An eternity passed in that next second, then the rain slowed down. Then it stopped. The clouds dissipated, and the sun shone through, brighter than I have ever seen. Within minutes the once lake-like puddles had dried. A mighty cheer arose from the Amish dugout, and they rushed out to congratulate Lang. But he was nowhere to be seen. His truck was gone from the parking lot. He had left as quickly as he came. All that was left was a soiled loincloth.

  "Game On", the ump shouted, and the Amish took the field against the brand-new to the league, Neustadt Runabouts. The Amish putting up a single run in the first, which was matched by the Runabouts in the second. It wasn't until the 5th inning when the Amish bats came alive. Dayman led off the inning and it wouldn't end until the Amish had batted around. They had blown the doors of this bitch, and all that was left to do was make 6 outs and head to beer fund. But the Runabouts weren't going to go out like that, and they looked like they were going to put together a rally. But they made mistake, they hit three balls to the tank like second baseman for the Amish. I won't mention his name because he likes his privacy, but he made some plays that made Jimmy Weiler wet himself. Rally killed.

  Then, in the sixth, Dayman led off with a homer, followed a few batters later by Scotty with a jack. The Amish were going to put this one away for good this time. Cory, an Amish rookie got into the act, hitting one to the deepest part of the park, into the strongest part the wind, ringing it off the fence. Any other day, any other park, and other ball and it would have been lights out. Still, I think we are going to see plenty of tates of his bat this year.

  Nothing much happened in the seventh, and the Amish won. Hoozz-ah!!

  The Amish are still undefeated one-seventh of the way through the season. I've said it once and I'll say it again, the Amish seem to have a better record when they win.

...Back to Amish Main Page