Amish Eager to Defend Title

AP - In hindsight, perhaps it was a mistake for the DiamondBacks to raise a 
"Mission Accomplished" banner above their dugout after winning their 
semi-final match-up last fall and advancing to the finals against the Fighting
Amish. 
After more than 8 years of being stuffed into their lockers by the DiamondBacks, 
after almost a decade of receiving atomic wedgies, after generations of having 
sand-kicked in their faces and their girlfriends stolen away -- and most 
importantly -- after completing the most extraordinary rout in baseball 
history, the Fighting Amish had finally overcome their hated nemesis to win
the B Championship in the Cargill Slo-Pitch league.

They did it for the old folks in Narva, Formosa and Cargill. 
They did it for the baby boomers in Chepstow, London, and Waterloo. 
They did it for the kids in Mildmay, Walkerton and of course, Pinkerton.

Yes, last fall's championship will go down in Amish lore as one of the finest
moments of all time.  However, much as Christians ask the Pope, the 
local Ball fans are already asking the Amish "What have you done for me lately."
It's the eve of the 2005 Ball season and for the first time in history, the 
Amish are entering as defending Champions. However, there are many questions 
hanging over this team, much like a mobile hangs over a baby's crib. But this
mobile doesn't have pictures of Spongebob, Winnie the Pooh and Gilbert Gottfreid.
It has questions like:
"Can Gordy repeat as batting Champion?"
"Can Billy and Jimmy end their bitter feud?"
"Does anyone know where the trophy is?"
Only time holds the answer to these questions...(unless someone has seen the
trophy??? It was last seen somewhere between Cargill and Keady.  Seriously, Pete's
gonna snap if we lost that sun'bitch.)

Even without the trophy, the Amish feel confident that they can repeat this year. 
They started by having the first practice of the year on April 23rd. However, only 
three team members showed up. Apparently, Dayman and Lang had a photo shoot, Normy had 
one more weekend of community service, and Schmidt, well Schmidt was likely at the 
rippers.
The Amish appear to have grown to big for their Britches. And apparently this article
was written circa 1923.

Also in the off season, there were a few baby Amish that came into the world. I would
like to take this opportunity to welcome Abigail Dayman and Maverick Lacey. Also, many
more Amish are expecting in the coming months so there will soon be a junior Amish
team*

*
Please note: there will not be a junior Amish team due to lack of funding and interest.

Back to the pending season. There is one new team joining the league. A powerhouse
from Neustadt, playing out of Mildmay. They look hungry to prove themselves and should
provide some entertaining matches.
That should more than make up for the loss of the Bullets, Spike and Cake, who combined
for one interesting game....and that was only interesting cause a girls team was warming-up
behind the dugouts.

Anyways, the Amish should play some exciting baseball and it wouldn't surprise anyone
to see them sipping champagne out of the A division trophy. Well, not champagne, beer. 
And not the the trophy, an old bucket. And not beer, cider. And not an old bucket, a 
toilet.