Amish Get Drilled in Both Ends

AP -  All the hype and hoopla of the big anniversary season for the Fighting Amish may have distracted the team last weekend.  In a painful Friday night debut, that can only be compared to watching back-to-back Rob Schneider movies, the Amish dropped both ends of a double-header losing 21-10 to the River Rats before being clobbered 18-5 by the Runabouts.

  Now granted, these teams both finish ahead of the third-place Amish last year, but those scores are still somewhat embarrassing.  Have the Amish slipped during the off-season?  Pitcher Brad Lacey doesn’t think so.  “They got a few lucky hits but that don’t mean they’re better than us.  The sun will even shine on a dog’s ass once in a while.”

  It certainly wasn’t the sun that helped the Runabouts and River Rats on this rainy night.  It was the Amish defence.  In game one the River Rats were hitting the ball well, but the Amish made more errors than a Heisz-inspected Blackberry.  And when the defence finally did come around in the second game, the bats fell silent.  The offence scored less than Clay Aiken at the Playboy mansion.  They could only muster multiple runs in the fourth inning, just enough to stave-off back-to-back mercies.

   The only good news is that it’s a long season and the team will have some time to recover from the losses.  With the long weekend off, the next games go May 26th .  However, things won’t get any easier as they play another double-header and have to face the River Rats in game one.  Pitcher Jim Weiler says the key to avoiding an 0-3 start is playing sound defence.  “The D will have to be tighter than Mother Teresa and the bats more explosive than an arab at a barmitzfah.”