Amish Fall Into Cellar

AP - The Amish were not not on what you would call a 'roll'. In fact, I wouldn't even say they were on a croissant. They were mired in a huge slump, that had seen them drop their last three games and their record drop to 2 and 3. Most of those games the Amish were short on players, but not on heart. Still, heart doesn't count much if it ain't in the win column. Looking back it was a good call by the Amish management not to sign them up for the annual three pitch tournament. That could have spelled disaster.

However, hopes were still high heading into a double header Friday night. The Amish could climb back over .500 with just one night’s work. The first game was against the RiverRats. They’re always a tough team, but the Amish had a surprise tonight. They actually had more than ten guys show up. Thirteen to be precise. Joey Lang was back after a brief stint in the minors, and he brought his bat with him (literally, not metophorically). The coach decided to shake-up the line-up, batting team average leading Devin second, and slumping Hose last. And it looked like it may work. The Amish bats, while not blistering, looked much better than they had in weeks. Unfortunately, the RiverRats were just too much for the Amish on this night. And it didn't help that the umpire blew seven consecutive calls.

Next up were the Blue Dogs. The Dimaondbacks may be the Amish arch rivals, but the BlueDogs would be a close second. Every game these to teams play against each other adds another page to baseball's

Attendance at game time was announced as 23, easily the largest non-tournament crowd ever in the Cargill Slowpitch league. Again, the Amish bats were hitting. Scotty hit his second homer of the night. Crazy was smoking line drives to the opposite field. And the Amish defense was it's usual stellar self.

However, something about the team seems just a little off. This reporter can't put his finger on it, but that team ain't right. And not even the good ol’ girl-on-girl porn Scotty hid in the dugout could shake the boys out of their slump. In the end they lost the game, but more importantly, they fell into last place in the league. How the times have changed since those early days of the season when the Amish looked poised to go unbeaten. Something must change, and change quickly or the Amish may be looking at the worst season in club history.

"It's not fair, it's just not fair. We try so hard....", Lacey said, as he shed a single tear.

After the game, the team huddled around the beer fund, nobody wanting to say a word. They all knew that they had dug themselves a hole. Is it too deep to climb out of? I can tell you one thing I have learned after covering this team for all these years, never, ever, count them out. They may have dug a hole, but they can soon enough fill that hole with gumption, grit and piss. Then they can swim out of that hole, and get back to where they were, and where we all expect them to be......the beer gardens.


We had unbelieveable response to the float themes contest. The winner will be announced on Saturday, June 26th, which is when construction will also commence.

If you want to help build the float, please show up in Pinkerton anytime in the afternoon. Also, please make sure you sign the waiver's a standard form so don't even read it. Basically Mugsy becomes your legal power of attorney.