Bats:  Left

Throws:  Right

Birthday:  March 12, 1975

Employer:  Research In Motion

Interests & Hobbies:  None


History:  “Hose” is another founding member of the Amish.  Despite his low fielding percentage, he is considered one of the flashiest shortstops in the league.  He’s made plays that God himself would have booted and he’s made plays that make you want to shoot yourself in the face with a loaded shotgun.  One of the few playboys left in the league, he holds the distinction of being the only player in league history to ever puncture an inflatable woman during a game.  Despite his slight build, he has consistently been at or near the top of the team each year in chugging percentage.  (Number of beers drank per at bats)  His “go f$&% yerself” attitude has earned him respect from his teammates as well as jeers from opposing players.